just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
