Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
