Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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