yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
