We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
