its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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