I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
