mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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