Your mouth is God's brothel.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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