Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
