walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
