The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
