as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize