Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
