Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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