glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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