She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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