he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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