according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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