please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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