sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
