just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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