I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
