brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
