Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He better not be in your backpack
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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