my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
