Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
