so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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