My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
