Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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