Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
