okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
