I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
