I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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