Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
