you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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