weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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