This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize