Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
