The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
