Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
