have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
