this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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