If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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