do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
