Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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