I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
