cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
