Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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