3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
