i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
