I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
