the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
