what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
