Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
