How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
