Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
