i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
