I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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