i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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