I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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