she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
