I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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