thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
