the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
