dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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