my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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