You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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