Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize