I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
