how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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