I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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