bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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