A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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