chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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