Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
