I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
