Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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