hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
