very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
