Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
