Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
