u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
