Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
