Your face is a jimmy john
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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