can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
