is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
