the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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