She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
