New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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