Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's paint friendship bongs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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