Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
