so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
