I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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