everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
