I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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