I think im going to throw up on grandma
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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