Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
